After more than a year since I asked for it I finally received the official release from Serbian citizenship. On 29th September 2010 in Serbian Consulate in Munich they gave me a peace of paper stating that my request was positively decided. The State of Serbia personalized in a kind young woman asked me to sign the receipt, took away my identity card, punched holes in my passport and stamped the first page of it with a big “ANNULIERT” seal.
As I was driving back to Regensburg it was raining. I felt sad. I was seating comfortably in my car, the broad highway in front of me, all around one of the world’s best countries to live in. I have just received the document that I was waiting for more than a year now, and I was just a step away from becoming a German citizenship. And still, I felt almost like crying. Have I underestimated the power of homeland idea? Since I have started the whole process of becoming German citizen in May last year I never really thought about it. It was for me a “no question” decision: I was living in Germany and was planning to stay here. The decision of taking its citizenship was just a logical step towards acquiring full rights and responsibilities in a country where I saw my future.
And now I felt how this light peace of paper was pressing heavy on my heart. I thought of my friends and small family that I still have left, of my dead mother and grandparents. Have I betrayed them? Have I lost them? Will I be left alone now in this country of prosperity where I can never have a â€œfriend from childhoodâ€, although I do have some wonderful friends? Is this the beginning, but also an end?
Thy sky was gray, the clouds low. I let the feelings flow through me, observed all these strange ideas that were running through my head in wonder. I drove fast but the time was passing slowly. As Regensburg was nearing I begun to realize that it was not leaving Serbia that bothered me: it was the fear of loosing the love of people a cared about. It was actually of no importance if I was the citizen of Serbia or not. What mattered were only some people that I knew and loved, the people whose existences reflected my own, the people whose lives were important to me and mine to them.
As the TV tower of Regensburg became visible on the horizon the clouds started to melt away; the rain has already stopped before. As I drove in the city the first sun rays fell on my face. I liked them: they were good and warm. I felt some joy in the deep of my heart and thought that, after all, there is actually no end. The life just goes on. As long as I am alive I will share myself with the people I know. There is nothing else; that is just life. We will meet again 🙂